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.....Natalie Portman .....Cast of SNL Angry Lady.....Kristin Wiig (Natalie standing in front of backdrop with a snowy mountain scene) Natalie Portman: As most of you probably know, SNL's month long hiatus was due to the Winter Olympics. Since having no hair makes me much more aerodynamic, I decided to try out some of the traditional winter sports with some of the cast members, so I could get to know them before we had to work together. (Camcorder: We see Natalie, Seth, and Amy on a ski mountain. Natalie and Seth look a little cold, but Amy has a ski mask, mittens, ski goggles etc. Natalie is holding the camera.) Natalie (voice): I've never been skiing before, I didn't realize it was so cold. Seth : Ha! Wimp. Natalie (voice): Easy for you to say, you're used to it. You grew up in New Hampshire. Seth: Have you been before, Amy? Amy: Oh, no. Seth: ..Really? Then why do you have all that stuff? Amy: Oh, this stuff? I, uh, got it at a yard sale.. Angry Lady: (offscreen) Hey, you there! Give me my stuff back! (Amy takes off.) Seth: (rolls eyes) Oh, jeez.. Natalie (voice): What? Seth: Natalie, in skiing a "yard sale' is when someone wipes out and their gear goes all over the place. (We hear a crash) Kinda like that. (The footage for the next one can be done by stunt doubles.) Natalie (V/O): And here some of us are bobsledding..that's Rachel in the front, and then me, and then Finesse.. (The last sledder is late. He's trying to run after the group, but it's kind of hard on the icy track with nothing to hold onto. He manages to grab the end of the sled as it starts to go down the incline.) ..And that's Will. Ooh, I had forgotten about that. (Darrell turns the camera around to face him and waves cheerily.) (Same ski hill, now with snowboards) Chris (voice): Okay, Andy is going to teach Natalie Portman how to snowboard! Natalie: I'm a little nervous, Andy. Andy: Aw, just chillax. You'll be sketching for a little while, but just keep plugging. And if you're gonna bail, make sure you land on your bip. You'll be cuttin' the pow pow in no time. Natalie: I'll assume that was encouragement. Andy: Gnarly. Let's just skate over to the hill, then. (Andy starts to do that. Natalie promptly falls over.) Natalie: Oof! Well, that was graceful. Chris (voice): Don't be so hard on yourself, botwoker. (Natalie gives the camera a "WTF' look) (Natalie, Jason, Horatio, and Fred are on a curling rink holding brooms.) Natalie (V/O): We tried curling, too, but that didn't really work out. Fred: Does anyone know what we do? Horatio: Beats me. I always thought this was just the way they cleaned the ice. (pause) Jason: Anyone know where we can find a Canuck? Natalie: Actually, curling was invented in Scotland. (pause) Jason: Quiet, Harvard. (Back to Natalie) Natalie: Of course, not everyone had time for fun and games. (Camcorder again, this time somewhere in the SNL studio. Bill and Kenan are each holding wailing babies, and looking rather uncomfortable. Tina walks past them.) Kenan: Hey, Tina, could you- Tina: Thanks Kenan, you're doing a fantastic job! I'll see you later, I have a movie scene to shoot. (exit) (Maya walks past.) Bill: Maya, I don't- Maya: Oh Bill, you're such a sweetheart. I can tell she just loves you. (exit) Kenan: Man, this is the last time we volunteer to babysit. Bill: I'll say. You know, maybe if we just put them in Lorne's office and..(notices camera) Hey! Kenan: Natalie! You're a girl. You wanna lend a hand? Bill: Or a breast? (Kenan gives him a look.) Kenan: ..What? (back to Natalie) Natalie: Hope you all enjoyed that, I know I did. If you'll excuse me, I have to go prepare for a hockey faceoff in Rockefeller Center; Lorne and the writers versus the cast! (fade as she exits) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
