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Wyatt...Chris Parnell ...Natalie Portman (cut to backstage area and Portman walking by, and runs into rabid fan with pink shirt and long hair) Wyatt: Omigod! Omigod, omigod, omigod!!!!!! Natalie Portman: Hi, hello. Wyatt: It’s you! I don’t believe it. It’s you! God! Omigod, omigod!!!! (Wyatt jumps up and down) Natalie Portman: Just calm down. It’s alright. Wyatt: I’m Wyatt. I’m a huge fan. Gosh! I can’t believe it. Natalie Portman: I appreciate it. Thanks. Wyatt: (pauses, sighs) Ah! I wish I could remember your name, though. Natalie Portman: Oh, it’s.... Wyatt: (excited) No, wait! No, wait, don’t tell me. Hahahhahaha! Okay, okay. Beverly.....nope, that’s not it. Natalie Portman: I’m kind of in a hurry; we’re in the middle of a show and... Wyatt: Just a few seconds. You’re so cute! (ponders again) It starts with a B, I know it. Natalie Portman: No, no B. Wyatt: (frustrated) Stop! Stop it, now! I said not to tell me. God! (Portman gets uncomfortable) Now, no B. Well, you were in that movie Firestarter. Natalie Portman: No, you’re probably thinking of Drew Barrymore. Wyatt: (angry) Shut up! Just shut up! For God’s sake. Natalie Portman: (upset) What’s your prob....? Wyatt: I said Firestarter, but I was thinking of the movie Heat. You were in Heat right? Natalie Portman: Actually, yes, I was. You know... Wyatt: For the love of God, girl, would you let me talk? Natalie Portman: You just asked me if... Wyatt: You were in that movie when you were living in Wal-Mart, and some other films that I can’t think of. Natalie Portman: You said you were a huge fan? Wyatt: Omigod! This is going to drive me nuts. I’m a big fan on celebrities. Natalie Portman: And you don’t know my name? Wyatt: Oh, I know. Tell me something about yourself, maybe I’ll remember something from the hundreds of celeb magazines that I own. Natalie Portman: (unimpressed, and angry now) How did you get back here? Are you a stalker? Wyatt: OOOOOOHHHH!!!! I know. Are you a dyke? Natalie Portman: What!!!!!??????? Wyatt: I thought because of the haircut that you have. But, not like one of those ugly dykes. You know, one of those cute ones that has to look like the manly woman. You know, the masculine lady’s pretty girlfriend. Natalie Portman: What the hell are you talking about? Look, I have a show to do right now. And I’ve got to get ready. Wyatt: Are you Susan Powter? Natalie Portman: (screaming) I’m NATALIE PORTMAN!!!!!!!! God! (leaves in uproar) Wyatt: She’s so darling. (looks offscreen) Is that....? Hey, it’s you! I’m a gigantic fan! Come here! Don’t run away! (runs offscreen) I’m a fan of you! You! (fade) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
