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Brewmaster 1... Darrell Hammond Brewmaster 2... Will Forte Announcer... Chris Parnell (open on a still shot of the Guinness Brewery. The scene then shifts to an office inside, which is seen in black and white. The two Brewmasters stand as they do in the commercials, 1 on the left, 2 on the right. Brewmaster 1 is standing near a keg. They both speak with the Irish accents you hear in the commercials.) Brewmaster 2: What new breakthroughs have you come up with for our Saint Paddy's Day celebration? Brewmaster 1: I've discovered a way to store our Guinness Draught in this metal keg. (he pumps the keg and fills up two mugs) The metal keeps the beer nice and cold, and you can tap it to get a quick refill. (He gives one of the mugs to his colleague, who sets it down on a table.) Brewmaster 2: (amazed) It keeps the beer cold and it provides quick easy refills? Brilliant! What else have you got? Brewmaster 1: You know how every time you have too much to drink at the pub you pass out and that fag O'Shaughassey bones you up the arse? Brewmaster 2: (mournful) Aye, I'm still farting blood. Brewmaster 1: Well, I've invented this. (He pulls a butt plug out of his pocket and shows it to his colleague) Before you head out to get loaded you shove this up your cornhole and the next time you pass out, he won't be able to ream you. Brewmaster 2: (amazed) Stick it up me pooper so I don't get man-raped? Brilliant! Brewmaster 1: Brilliant! (Brewmaster 2 takes the butt plug and moves it down to his pants. The camera shot changes to a close-up of his head. You can see his face strain as he shoves the plug up his rectum. He moans, grits his teeth and tears start to form around his eyes. After a few seconds, he finally finishes and breathes a sigh of relief. The camera pans out to show both Brewmasters, with the second one's pants down around his ankles. They both pick up their beers.) Brewmaster 2: (in a high-pitched voice) Brilliant. (They clink their mugs together in a toast. The scene then shifts back to the outside still of the brewery.) Announcer: Guinness reminds you to drink responsibly this Saint Patrick's Day. Especially if you're around homos. (fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
