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Brewmaster 1... Darrell Hammond Brewmaster 2... Will Forte Announcer... Chris Parnell (open on a still shot of the Guinness Brewery. The scene then shifts to an interior office where the Brewmasters are standing.) Brewmaster 1: My friend, I have come up with something quite exquisite for our Guinness draught beer. Brewmaster 2: Well, what is it? Brewmaster 1: I call it a can (He produces a beer can from behind his back). Brewmaster 2: (puzzled) A can? Brewmaster 1: Yes, see. The aluminum is more resistant than glass, so it can't be broken as easily. And look....you open the can by pulling back on this tab, and the hissing sound it makes means it’s perfectly cold and well carbonated. Brewmaster 2: (amazed) Our best alcoholic beverage inside a receptacle not made out of fragile glass? BRILLIANT!!!! Brewmaster 1: And watch! When you hit the aluminum canister against your head, it won’t shatter into hundreds of pieces and your face will not require several stitches. (hits can against his head and crumples it) Brewmaster 2: What an innovation! What else do you have? Brewmaster 1: You know how every St. Paddy’s Day you go home with a big lump on your head from a barroom squabble? Brewmaster 2: Do tell. Brewmaster 1: I have created this helmet made out of plastic. (He produces a helmet from behind his back) It will protect your cranium from blunt objects. Watch. (takes pool cue and snaps it in two over helmet) Brewmaster 2: (amazed) Keeps me noggin from getting bashed in by a billiard cue? Brilliant! Brewmaster 1: And as an added benefit, O’Shaughnassey won't be able to take advantage of you since you won't be unconscious. Brewmaster 2: Genius! Brewmaster 1: Genius! (He gives Brewmaster 2 a can of beer and they clink them together. The scene shifts to the still of the brewery's exterior.) Announcer: Guinness reminds you to always drink responsibly. And never get into a barroom argument near a pool table unless you're well protected. (fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
