Brewmaster 1... Darrell Hammond
Brewmaster 2... Will Forte
Announcer... Chris Parnell
(open on a still shot of the Guinness Brewery. The scene then shifts to an interior office where the Brewmasters are standing.)
Brewmaster 1: Friend of all friends I have come up with the ultimate dispenser for our lavish draught beer!
Brewmaster 2: (sounding a little high) What is it you frilly waffleman
Brewmaster 1: (confused) Eh?
Brewmaster 2: Oh, with all these aluminum cans being built I decided to store my paints in them as well, and I may have sniffed the fumes.
Brewmaster 1: Well I’ve thought of this apparatus quite nicely… (he pulls out a funnel with a coil pipe) I call it the beer bong!
Brewmaster 2: (intrigued) A beer bong?! How does it work?
Brewmaster 1: You pour the beer down the funnel and one person uses the coil and sucks intensely to achieve a higher state of mind. Meanwhile random acquaintances stand around and shout "Chug you filthy animal, chug!
Brewmaster 2: (amazed) Brilliant! I’ll be lit beyond my dreams and even faster than I would sniffing paint thinner!
Brewmaster 1: Ah, and I thought of an action phrase to help sell this beer bong!
Brewmaster 2: (sounding really out of it) Wait… I have good news you ya frilly waffleman, I just saved a bunch of time and money by switching to beer bong. I got lit just as fast!
Brewmaster 1: (confused) My friend… how did you know what I my campaign phrase was?
(Brewmaster 2 collapses as Brewmaster looks on with astonishment)
(The scene cuts to the outside still of the brewery.)
Announcer: Guinness reminds you to never drink paint thinner, always buy our products and always ripoff other companies' ad slogans! Happy St. Patrick’s Day you frilly wafflemen!
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