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…Don Pardo (voice only) …Matt Dillon Kevin Dillon Fan…Rachel Dratch Bob Dylan Fan…Fred Armisen Luke Perry Fan…Kristen Wiig …Kevin Dillon (special cameo) Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Dillon! (Matt enters from the backdoor of home base) Matt Dillon: Thank you! Thank you! Wow! It took me 26 years to get here! I’m telling you, it’s a thrill to finally be here! I kind of feel a little like “Fran Tarkenton” right now. They ask me to host this show before the Oscars, and I go and lose the “Super Bowl” Oscar to George Clooney. But I’m not mad. George was really good in his film. I thought I was little bit better, but hey! I guess you could say I have egg on my face. I’m hosting this show promoting my loss. (An audience member raises her hand) Yeah? (Audience member “Kevin Dillon Fan” stands up and begins asking her question) Kevin Dillon Fan: I’m a big fan of yours, but I’m also an even bigger fan of your brother Kevin Dillon. Is there any chance he might be here tonight? Matt Dillon: Well, thank you. Kevin is out in Los Angeles working on the new season of “Entourage”. So he will not be here tonight. I’m pretty sure he’s watching from his apartment, which I co-signed the lease. (Another audience member raises their hand to ask a question) Yeah? (Audience member “Bob Dylan Fan” stands up and begins asking his question) Bob Dylan Fan: Yeah, I was wondering if Bob Dylan might be appearing tonight. Matt Dillon: To the best of my knowledge, he will not be here tonight, and his last name is spelled differently than mine. (Another audience member raises their hand to ask a question) Yeah? (Audience member “Luke Perry Fan” stands up and begins asking her question) Luke Perry Fan: I was wondering if “Dylan” from “Beverly Hills, 90210” would be appearing tonight. Matt Dillon: No, I’m pretty sure he will not be appearing tonight. At last glance, Luke Perry was doing filming a SHOWTIME series that was going to get cancelled faster than you could pronounce the name of the show. Luke Perry Fan: Thank you. (As “Luke Perry Fan” is sitting down, Kevin Dillon stands up from the back row of the floor audience section) Kevin Dillon: Any parts for me, bro? Matt Dillon: Maybe. I need a stunt double for a sketch after Update. (Cut to Kevin Dillon about to shout his “Viking Quest” catch phrase) Kevin Dillon: VICTORY! (Cut back to Matt Dillon, about to finish his monologue) Matt Dillon: That’s my brother Kevin, for you! Folks, we have a great show for you tonight! From across the pond, Arctic Monkeys are here. So stick with us, we’ll be right back! (As the camera pans out we see "Kevin Dillon Fan" rush over to Kevin Dillon, asking for an autograph) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
