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Announcer…Don Pardo (voice only) …Antonio Banderas …Darrell Hammond Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Antonio Banderas! (Antonio comes out from the backdoor of home base) Antonio Banderas: Thank you! Thank you! It is a thrill to host this show! As you know, I am a bit of a renaissance man. I am an actor, a dancer, a movie director, I have my own line of men’s cologne. Oh and by the way, I am a very sexy man. As if I had to tell you that. But working with all of these wonderful comic actors this week, it made me realize the one thing in my life that is missing. I have always wanted to give stand-up comedy a try. So if you’d indulge me, I’d like to perform a stand-up comedy routine I worked up earlier this afternoon. Thank you. (Stage lights go dark) Announcer: And now, the comedic stylings of Antonio Banderas! (Stage lights come up, we see a “brick wall” back drop; Antonio comes back on stage wearing a cheesy neon-blue stand-up comic blazer jacket) Antonio Banderas: Thank you! I just flew in from Madrid, and boy, my arms are tired. (A few laughs from the audience and much silence) My uncle Leo once told me as a kid, “Antonio, don’t masturbate, you’ll go blind.” I told him, “Uncle Leo, (waving his arms around) I’m over here!” (Once again, only a few laughs) I would now like to do an impression for you. This is an impression of the President of the United States, George W. Bush, “Saddam Hussein, (nervous laugh) more like Saddam Insane!” (SOUND CLIP: Crickets curping) (Suddenly, Darrell Hammond walks on stage) Darrell Hammond: It’s okay, Antonio, this is harder than it looks. That was good for a first time. Antonio Banderas: Who are these people? The “Rodney King” jury? (The audience reacts with a lot of laughter) Darrell Hammond: Maybe you can turn this around. Try that Katie Holmes joke I told you. Antonio Banderas: Okay. I heard Katie Holmes gave a private interview to PEOPLE magazine. She yelled out the phrase “HELP” a bunch of times, but no one in the interview could understand why. (Audiences boos the joke) Darrell Hammond: You forgot the Jay Leno impression. It’s okay. Go get changed for the next sketch. (Antonio leaves the stage) (Darrell breaks into his Jay Leno impression) Ladies and gentlemen, this week, during an interview with PEOPLE magazine, Katie Holmes yelled the phrase “HELP” repeatedly. And no one seems to know why. (Audiences react with laughter) Tom Cruise told a British reporter that he, “won’t let Katie Holmes get away, this time.” Wow! It’s that the most romantic phrase uttered in the history of romance. That’s like Van Gogh saying to his girlfriend, “I cut off my ear, because I love you. You want to do it?” (Audiences react with a roar of laughter) Hey folks, we got a great show for you tonight. We’ll be right back with Antonio Banderas and Mary J. Blige. Say hello to Lenny Pickett and the SNL band! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
