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Mother...Amy Poehler Spokesperson...Bill Hader Worker...Fred Armisen (filmed commercial) (setting is with mother opening presents, opens gift given from child) Mother: Oh, thank you, honey. (opens it up to see report card with several A’s on it) Oh, this is wonderful. (hugs son) Boy 1: I love you, mom. (boy looks like he wants to cry) (cut to spokesperson talking) Spokesperson: If you want your child to succeed, contact Sylvan Learning Center. Our approaches and standards of teaching children the fundamentals of schoolwork is sound and progressive. Our workers have the right frame of mind as to what your children need to accomplish steady, positive grades in classwork. (cut to worker helping girl) Worker: Name all of the vowels. Girl 1: A, E, I, um....I. Worker: You already said I. Girl: I... Worker: Come on, idiot. Girl: (nervous) Uh.... Worker: Cut the crap, weirdo. A, E, I, O, U. Girl: And sometimes Y. Worker: Shut up. (cut to spokesperson) Spokesperson: Sylvan Learning Center has many methods to help your child succeed in the world of academics. (cut to worker with new child) Boy 2: 4 + 4 is 8. Worker: That’s right. You’re doing great. Boy 2: 5 + 5 is....um....10. Worker: Are you just guessing? Boy 2: Uh...um...no. Worker: Tell me the truth, or I break a finger. Boy 2: Um, I don’t know. Worker: It’s good that you told me the truth, but we know what happens when we get an answer wrong. Boy 2: What? Worker: A broken finger. (boy looks frightened, cut to spokesperson) Spokesperson: Talk to us at 1-800-555-SLC2 or visit us at sylvanlearningcenter.org. You won’t be disappointed, will you? Girl 2: No, sir. Spokesperson: That’s good. Now, if you don’t finish your homework in five minutes, what will happen? Girl 2: You’ll set my dog on fire. Spokesperson: Smart girl. (rubs girl’s hair so hard that it hurts her) (fin) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
