Paul Buxton
Paul Buxton was born Pelzon McQuarklepoop-Boynbauer III on October 3, 1984, on the planet Foobar 32A. Two days later, the alien spaceship he was on crashed into the earth's atmosphere. As soon as he crashed, he was transformed into a human baby, which was born that day in a Newport Beach hospital. He has since grown up in San Jose, California, home to one million incredibly computer-savvy androids. He caught on to the SNL rage as a result of a run-in with 80-81 castmember Charles Rocket. He sued Buxton for running over his hot dog stand with a Chevrolet Geo. Rocket strapped Paul to that freaky-ass machine from The Clockwork Orange, and Paul was forced to watch all of Rocket's Weekend Update and Rocket Report segments while sharp robotic claws pried open Paul's eyelids. Finally, Paul screamed in fright, and vowed to watch SNL from then on. He actually enjoys it now. Paul has also finished his last year of high school wrestling, compiling a lifetime record of 9-523. He has recently been forced to take an internship at a factory in Spokane that manufactures ant farms for alien ants. He will do that in between his classes at Gonzaga University as a freshman next fall.
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