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Tony Dumont
Tony DuMont was born on November 6, 1985 in New York City under an abandoned Subway Tunnel while his Cuban parents were on vacation simply so that they could become official citizens of the United States. However, he feels he was born in the year 0 A.S., which stands for After Snuffleupagus (when the Snuffleupagus was no longer deemed as imaginary, an event which Tony says forever changed the course of history). An avid prophet, he accurately predicted the September 11th Terrorist attacks but unfortunately, they were not taken seriously because his other 827 predictions were off the mark, such as his prediction that Puerto Rico would become a state and replace Montana so that the American flag could still have 50 stars (He will not abandon his belief) He has created numerous ideas for children's game shows, but they were rejected by Nickelodeon for being too clean. Also, because they would take time away from lousy cartoons, like Octomonkey. He married pop star Deborah Gibson on October 4, 1996, (or in Tony DuMont years, 11 A.S.) shortly before he woke up upon creating a nocturnal emission (which inspired himto create the poorly-selling absorbancy pad Masculine choice, which was not successful because no one would buy it for being too afraid of having to have it price-checked in public, and no one wants to hear, "Price check on leakage absorption pads for men!") He created the idea of shoes that convert into rollerskates, but he was beaten to the punch by some other company, so he is still trying do something else, but he's not going to tell you what it is, because you're going to steal his ideas, you assknocker!!!!!!!!!! He currently attends Bard High School Early College, an advanced Early College program that allows advanced high school students to enter college level courses immediately. Classes include keg partying, drug buying, and co-ed groping. He even came up with the title "Saturday Night You" because it came to him as he listened to the song "Because I got High" backwards, skipping every third note, except for every eight and ninth note. He was able to listen to a song that wasn't released yet because he predicted it (he's a prophet, who do you think you are, Mr. Short-Term memory or something? ) but he didn't bring his prediction to the public because he was too ashamed to admit that such a "dopey" song would become so popular. I was going to think of something else to include in the biography, but then I got high, but then I got high, but then I got hi-igh. |
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